Discriminatory
In light of yet another injured squirrel being reported to LPD, it has come to our attention that there is a serious lack of squirrel-sized rescue facilities and apparatus (that's one of the two acceptable plural uses of the word, too -- just a side vocab lesson).
If any concerned citizen has stumbled upon this, I urge you to form a political action committee (PAC) to head up a citizens' survey of whether Laramie-ites (Laramians?) would be willing to pay an extra penny in sales tax for the next two years to make up for this serious lack of preparation.
The results of the survey should be compiled by the PAC, which will then have to hire yet another consulting firm to tell them what the results mean. These results will, then, be used to form a new PAC, which will then conduct another survey to determine how to best use these new funds.
The tax will come up for vote as a special ballot issue and be soundly defeated. This process (PACs, consulting firms, ballot issues) will be repeated at least twice more over the course of the next six years or so (during which time, several similar funding requests will fail in the city council) until, finally, eight years from now, the health rights of squirrels throughout the greater Laramie area will finally be vindicated, and a half-dozen squirrel-sized stretchers will be purchased and each ambulance in Laramie will be equipped with one, while one or two stretchers will be sent to Centennial and Rock River, with the understanding that they can also be used for injured small birds (pigeons, too -- we don't discriminate), prairie dogs and field mice.
This action will then spur on another group of concerned citizens who will demand that a special wing at the hospital be built for the specialized care of injured squirrels. Laramie, in the course of the next 50 years, will gain a regional reputation as the home of a premier squirrel injury rehabilitation center, with similar facilities and techniques in the works for injured volls, porcupines and badgers.
Or people could just back up, run over the half-dead squirrel again and call it good instead of calling the police.
5 comments:
Um... what?
Was there a traumatic wildlife-automobile encounter today that you had the misfortune to witness??
Ah, no ... it's a kind of inside joke into Laramie politics ... and the fact that people call in "injured squirrels" to the police department ...
I love squirrels. And your blog has inspired me. Would you like to be the first official member of CLETS? Concerned Laramians for the Ethical Treatment of Squirrels. As a consolation prize, the premier squirrel injury rehabilitation center will be named in your honor. "Sarah's House of Nuts." Catchy.
I think all squirrels deserve to die. :)
My sister-in-law would agree with you, Aimee. They eat squirrels where she comes from (squirrel gravy, anyone?), and we're not allowed to mock that when we're around her. It deeply offends her. But she did concede that Laramie squirrels are much cuter than West Virginia squirrels. Perhaps we ought to be grateful.
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