Shame

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't read the Chronicles of Narnia and plan to do so sometime before you die, you should consider foregoing this tempting opportunity to judge me.

There are some things in my life that make me feel very, very ungodly.

I'm not talking about sin. At least, I don't think I'm talking about sin. I have a lowly B.S. degree in communications (you read it right, and my degree choice was intentional) and no formal theological training outside of Bible classes, church and discipleship. So if someone who is Bible-smarter than I am comes across this and is moved to point out my sin, please do so. I'm serious. Tell me.

Until then, here is the beginning my un-sin Shame List:

# 1

I ignore Facebook applications that have to do with the Bible and Bible trivia and what kind (denomination) of Christian I am and what my favorite book of the Bible is. I've even declined invites to three different verse-of-the-day applications. This makes me feel as though I'm not using every application possible to scream "I LOVE JESUS!" on my Facebook profile. I did take a quiz to find out which Biblical character I am, and I can't remember what it told me. Compound the judgement. Pour it on. (For the record, the "religion" option on my profile says "Jesus." I think that says it pretty plainly)

#2 (this is the spoiler)

I don't like "The Last Battle." (Book 7 of the Chronicles of Narnia) I refuse, almost on principle, to read it again. I cried like a little girl at the end (I was 24) and confessed to a friend how very, very sad I was that Narnia ended and that everyone except Susan died. My friend, likely frustrated with my spiritual immaturity, reminded me that they were in Aslan's Land. There might have been a look that included raised eyebrows and an attempt to not roll the eyes. And I know - I KNOW - that even though they died, the Pevensie kids and their parents and Diggory and Polly were in Heaven and that Heaven is infinitely better than Narnia ever could have been, especially at the end ... but I still felt like a dear friend had died when Narnia ended. And then I felt like a Bad Christian for feeling that way, like I don't have any appreciation for how infinitely better Heaven is than anything I've had or experienced here on Earth. I appreciate it, but I still hate when friends and relatives die. I'm a selfish person, and I like to have the people I love here, with me.

#3

I love the Harry Potter books. Confessing that to the traditional church-goin' crowd, a friend once told me, is like confessing that you ike to fornicate. It took months for me to work anything Hogwarts-related into a conversation with my mom. You can read about why in an earlier post. I was convinced that her pastor would be knocking on my door within hours, and that my e-mail would be flooded with articles about the occult and the real history of witchcraft, stories of children who are "making potions" and "casting spells" on each other, etc. With a tremor in my voice, I (a 29-year-old woman) tried to casually work in " ... and in one of the Harry Potter books ..." I don't remember what else I said. My voice probably squeaked. The blood was pounding in my head and roaring past my ears, like I'd just gone skydiving or something exhilarating. Hours, days, weeks went by - no intervention, no pastoral visits, no pamphlets, no e-mails. My yoga-going brother got the brunt of the "you might be a heathen if ..." routine, and she seems to have spent her energy on that. Thank goodness. I still love those books.

I'm sure there's more. But I can only handle so much judgement at a time.