Bottom's up

As I waited in the Albertson's liquor store to buy my share of holiday happiness, I marveled at the line, which began at the registers and went to the back of the store, around the back of the store, down the far aisle and almost back to the door.

"There sure are a lot of alcoholics around here," one guy in line behind me observed.

I turned around.

"There are a lot of in-laws around here," I said.

He nodded sagely. "The two go hand-in-hand, I guess."

I agreed, then plunked my liquid happy on the counter and was promptly rung up.

"Did you need my ID?" I asked. They always need my ID. I'm perpetually 12.

"No," the lady said wearily. "And if you decide to turn me in for that, it means I get out of here a little earlier today, which would make my day."

Merry Christmas