The good, the bad ... and the "I can't believe you actually said that"

I'll admit it -- I get lonely. Freakin', stinkin', downright lonely.

My brother moved away. My friends moved away. There are rarely visitors. I've tried, in the past, hanging out with the people from work. They moved away. The new crop are all married/engaged and don't "hang out." And I'm mortifyingly introverted in face-to-face situations.

So I'm lonely. I should get a cat. Or at least a fish. A roommate, maybe? Nah ...

All of this to introduce you to The Internet Dating Chronicles, Part .... oh, crap. Who's counting anymore?

I'm either optimistically hopeful, or a total glutton for punishment. But here we go again. It's a last-ditch thing, going on simultaneously with the Job Search ... we'll see. Like I said -- I'm lonely.

FYIs for the fellas who are looking for love in all the cyber places:

-- Don't refer to girls as "blithering idiots" in your "about me" section.
-- For heaven's sake -- quit expecting a freakin' Barbie doll.
-- Don't write, wink, wave, blow a kiss, etc., if you haven't taken the 30 seconds required to read the little bit of information I've written. This becomes very apparent when you're asking the same questions that I spent hours laboring over not-too-vague-but-not-too-informative answers for.
-- If the best photo of you is of you and your ex-girlfriend, even if you tried to crop her out, you should probably just get a new photo taken.
-- When you call a girl, you really, really shouldn't ask if she's "really that desperate" because she's on a dating site. You are, too, genius.
-- You should also avoid an argument in the first conversation. You should also avoid telling the person you're talking to that they live "in the sticks." Don't make fun of their family, either. Or their hometown. Or their church. They don't know you, and chances are that now -- they don't want to.
-- Don't spend half the conversation talking about how crazy your ex-girlfriend is and how you're going to "really get her" in court for custody of your kid.
-- Don't kill a potentially good thing by trying to instant message your date every time you see that she's online. This is called "desperate," and could be seen as a precursor to stalking. Or just irritating.
-- Don't stare at your date's chest the entire time you're with her.
-- When your date informs you that things aren't going to go as far as you were hoping, don't tell her to "give it time, you'll change your mind." You're not going to get that time.
-- Don't schedule a date ... and then re-schedule at the last minute for the next weekend "because you suddenly remembered .... (fill in the blank)."