TGIF Musing

Hurray!

TGIF! But I'm not excited that it's freakin-freezing cold and snowing. Again. Perhaps we'll have friendlier weather over the weekend. I'm not holding my breath, though. Spring does not exist around here. We'll jump from an arctic freeze to 90 degrees within a three-day period; I'm pretty sure of it.

Whine of the Week

Back in January, when I finally decided that it was time to take down the Christmas decorations (it might have even been early February ...), as I was carrying a bin to store in the back of my close, I crushed my hand against the door frame. It crunched, but I wasn't debilitated or anything, and it wasn't completely excruciating ... but now, it's the middle of April, and that part of my hand is still pretty sensitive. I'm not one to be all paranoid, but ... is it possible to have broken your hand and not really know about it? I type all the time at work, and it didn't (and doesn't) hurt too much during that; just when pressure is applied to that part of my hand.

Internet Dating, Take 3
(see Advice versus Counsel for a history of Internet Dating Past)

We all laugh when we tell people how Matt and Molly met, because they met online, and the first time Matt flew out to WV to meet her (without telling anyone where he was, how long he was going to be gone, etc.), her roommate apparently kept a knife ready in case Matt turned out to be a psycho axe murderer. Long story short, they're getting married in about seven weeks (hooray!).

Matt shamelessly stumps for the Web site where they met (it's NOT e-Harmony, Mom), and is always telling me that I should sign up there.

Fine. I did.

Holy cow. They offer a lot more freedom as far as contacting other members than match.com allows, and they have a few other nice features .... but the guys who have "winked" ... ummmm.

I want my mommy.

A mullet-sporting truck driver in Canada wants to "write letters." (This is a Web site strictly for people who profess to be Christians. It's like Liberty set up its own internet matchmaking enterprise or something ...). Very wholesome of him, and he seems like a nice enough guy, but ... did I mention the mullet?

There's the guy whose entire profile is made up of jokes -- the kind of jokes that your well-meaning friends and relatives flood your inbox with. And that's all.

The guy whose profile is typed in cell phone textese. How R U 2day? I had no idea it was possible to do an entire profile that way.

There's the trucker-hatted NASCAR fan, complete with the shirt that has the sleeves ripped off, hangin' with his buddies, all showing off their guts in too-tight jeans.

And it goes on ...

You can also specify what kind of relationship you're looking for, from "casual dating" (that's me) to the very pious-sounding "wherever God leads" to "marriage-minded." Lots of guys out there who are ready to just take a trip down the aisle, it seems. And that's not to say that I don't want to get married. I do. I really do. But I'm not interviewing to fill the position of "husband" every time I have coffee or dinner with a guy. Perhaps I'm odd.

When I was at Liberty, there were a lot of guys who shot themselves in the foot on their first dates with my friends when, before the appetizers could be ordered, they informed their date that they were only there because they were looking for their wife, and if the girl didn't think that's what she wanted, then they had no future (the water hadn't yet been delivered by this point). Eek! In all fairness, there were just as many girls there working on their MRS degree (it's an expensive place to be man-hunting).

Mom still is trumpeting the glories of e-Harmony, and I still don't know why. And as much as the last few months have helped me figure out a few things about myself and what I'm looking for (and not), I don't want to forget my name again halfway through their personality profile. My mother sees it as a sign of how much effort I'm willing to put into a relationship. Her logic, I think, is that if I'm not willing to take the time and the mental strain of giving my personality and emotional/relational history to a complete cyber-stranger, then I'm not willing to put the effort into making a relationship work. Why not apply the same thing to, say, hiking across the country? Learning a foreign language? Finding the cure for cancer? If I'm not willing to put the effort into doing any of those things, I guess I'm not willing to put any effort into a relationship. I'm doomed. I'll wind up a spinster aunt to Matt and Molly's four kids. It's my fate. I must accept it, because I'm not going to learn Swahili or hoof it from California to North Carolina.

But back to the sainted singles.

I love God. I love Jesus. But reading some of these introductions is like reading a sermon from a purity seminar. Don't get me wrong -- hooray for purity! But if that's all you're portraying yourself to be (pure), it's lacking quite a bit in the personality area. True love waits. I get it. Move on to something else, like .... well, anything. Show me the personality!!

And ... don't use the fuzzy picture of you needing a shower and a haircut and a shave and some clean clothes.

The end result of all of this is that I'm thinking that the Internet has as much or as little to offer as the corner bar in the area of true love. That's not to say that I'm heading over to Third Street when my shift gets off. It does mean that I'm not expecting a tall, handsome, Mediterranean-looking guy in New York to write anything. And it does mean that I'll still probably flirt with the guy at the Starbucks counter, if only to get an extra shot of espresso in my drink. For some people, that's as good as a marriage proposal. Luckily, I'm not that desperate. Or desperate enough to think that Mr. Right is a mouseclick away ...